


don't stay for me

by honestlydarkprincess



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alpha Derek Hale, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, College Student Stiles Stilinski, Complicated Relationships, Derek Hale is Bad at Feelings, Derek trying to become emotionally healthy, Emotionally Hurt Derek Hale, Getting Back Together, Hopeful Ending, Hurt Derek Hale, Introspection, M/M, Mates, Mates Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, Past Abuse, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Past Relationship(s), Past Underage, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-15
Updated: 2020-06-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:35:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,290
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24732439
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honestlydarkprincess/pseuds/honestlydarkprincess
Summary: Worried about similarities between his relationship with Stiles and his relationship with Kate, Derek finds himself breaking up with Stiles before he goes away to college. Derek doesn't think that Stiles wants to commit, to settle down and be his mate, but has anyone ever tried asking Stiles what he wants?
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski, past Kate Argent/Derek Hale - Relationship
Comments: 8
Kudos: 238





	don't stay for me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey hey, 
> 
> Finally got around to rewriting this so its actually done! Yay! I got the original idea for the fic while listening to the song 'Don't Stay' by X Ambassadors and the title comes from there. Mostly cause I couldn't think of a better title lmao 
> 
> As always, not really edited so all mistakes are mine and mine alone. 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy ♡ 
> 
> **TW: discussions of abuse and past underage between Derek and Kate.**

As Stiles climbed his way to Derek’s loft, he couldn’t help the feeling of dread that had been his companion for the last few days. Something was off with Derek and Stiles wasn’t sure what it was. All he knew was that the Alpha had been acting different the past few weeks as it got closer and closer to the time that Stiles was supposed to leave for college. 

Bracing himself for the worst, while hoping for the best, Stiles reached up to knock on the heavy door. It swung open before he had the chance and there was his broody alpha, in all his glory. 

“Stiles…” Derek started, his voice grave and his stare heavy. He looked somber, like the grim man Stiles had used to know; one who never smiled and whose frown seemed to be a permanent fixture on his face. 

Stiles felt his stomach drop even further at the expression on his boyfriend’s face. Derek had been distant lately. Not to mention quiet in a way he hadn’t been since the first few years after Stiles had met him. So much time had passed since then, they had both grown from the people they used to be. Stiles had thought that Derek was happy now, that he…that he was happy with _Stiles_. That Stiles made the resident sourwolf not so sour. 

Stiles had tried to ignore it, maybe Derek was just going through a bad time and needed space. Stiles tried to pretend that everything was normal. Maybe that hadn’t been the right solution but it was the only thing he could think of since the first few times he tried to get the older man to talk about what was bothering him had been shut down and the topic quickly switched. 

“Derek,” Stiles replied. The air felt heavy, the tension palpable. Stiles felt his heart start to beat a little bit faster and didn’t miss the way Derek’s eyes flashed when he too heard it. A look almost like guilt darted across the alpha’s face but only briefly, he schooled his expression quickly, once again looking cold and distant. Nothing like the soft, almost-loving looks Stiles had become accustomed to. 

“What’s going on?” Stiles asked, his voice barely more than a whisper. He was still standing in the doorway and Derek’s hand was still on the door, gripping the latch to the loft so hard Stiles could almost hear the metal groan underneath the werewolf’s grip. 

Derek looked down, not replying for a moment before taking a deep breath and looking back up at Stiles. “I’m sorry, Stiles.”

Stiles felt his heartbeat quicken even more. “Sorry for what, Der? What’s going on?”

“I’ve been thinking,” Derek started, pausing before steeling himself. “I think we should break up.”

Stiles reeled back as if he had been slapped. He could swear his heart had stopped beating in his chest. “What?! Break up? W-why?”

“Look, you’re going off to college and should be free to have the full experience,” Derek said, looking at the younger man sincerely. “I don’t want to hold you back or anything. You shouldn’t lose out on college experiences just because of a casual relationship back home,” He finished, looking so sure in what he was saying that Stiles wanted to cry. 

“C-casual?” Stiles stuttered. His heart felt like it was breaking into a million little pieces. “Is that all this has been to you?!”

“Stiles—“

“No! Fuck you, Derek. If you wanted to break up with me, fine, that’s your choice. But don’t you fucking dare tell me our relationship has been casual,” He snarled, hurt and anger leaking from his voice. 

“Stiles,” Derek tried again. “You’re young, okay? You don’t know what you want,” He murmured, holding his hands out in a placating gesture, willing the younger man to understand. 

Stiles looked at the man he loved, the man he thought loved him too, and felt tears burn at his eyes. Suddenly, the fight left him, leaving him with an aching, empty feeling in his chest. “Whatever, Derek. I’ll…I’ll see you around.” 

Stiles turned around and left without looking back, feeling his heart break with every step he took. 

Derek watched him walk away, left alone now in this big, empty loft, wondering if he had made the right decision or the biggest mistake of his life.

oOoOoOoOo

Derek didn’t see much of Stiles after that night.

Some of that was due to Stiles being busy getting ready for school but mostly it was Stiles avoiding the alpha like the plague. 

It was understandable, Derek understood why Stiles was upset. He just couldn’t help but feel like if he had allowed them to stay together, that he would hold Stiles back and the younger man would eventually come to resent him. It looked like Stiles was going to resent him either way. 

Derek hoped that one day they could be friends again. He just couldn’t let go of the vision he had, of Stiles coming home that summer and telling him that he was right, that he hadn’t actually wanted to commit and college had made him see that. 

As much as Derek fully expected that to happen, he couldn’t help the fact that the very thought made his chest feel like it was on fire. He didn’t know if he would be able to every just be friends with Stiles, if Stiles ever even wanted to be in the same room as him again. It wasn’t looking like that was going to be likely any time soon, so maybe it didn’t matter that the thought of being right, right that Stiles didn’t actually want to settle down and commit to the alpha, made the aforementioned alpha want to rip his own heart out. 

Rationally, Derek knew that he was being selfish. That he had been selfish when he preemptively broke up with Stiles. By doing so, he had taken Stiles’ choice away. He thought he knew what was best for Stiles and that somehow mattered more than what Stiles actually wanted. 

But he had just seen this happen too many times— young couples promising to stay together but getting to college and realizing they weren’t actually anywhere near ready to be in a serious or committed relationship. And Derek needed commitment. Not only did wolves mate for life but Derek himself desperately craved stability, commitment, love, and a home. 

Derek just couldn’t fathom asking that level of commitment from Stiles without even giving him the opportunity to see if that’s what he actually wanted. So, he resigned himself to being alone. It wasn’t like that was a new feeling, he had gotten quite good at being alone and he would rather be alone than be with someone other than Stiles. 

To keep himself distracted, Derek got himself a job at a mechanic shop in downtown Beacon Hills and immediately fell in love with it. It wasn’t an easy job, it was long hours and hard labour, but it was so worth it. 

It was nice, actually, having somewhere he needed to be everyday. Having a steady job was new to Derek— actually, having a steady anything was new to Derek— but he found that he thrived with it. 

It also helped him realize there was another reason he had broken up with Stiles. 

Derek was someone who would settle down in a small town, get a steady job, maybe get married and have a couple of kids. After everything he had been through, he wanted something "normal", something that some would even consider boring. 

He didn’t want to be chasing supernatural creatures or going on adventures. He didn’t even want to be an Alpha. That was always supposed to be Laura’s role. 

Above all else, Derek just wanted a quiet, simple life. That had just felt like way too much to ask of his 19-year-old boyfriend who hadn’t gotten a chance to explore the world yet. He himself was only 26 but it felt like he so much older. He wanted Stiles to enjoy his youth in a way that Derek had never been able to. 

After the fire, when he and Laura and moved to New York, Derek had had some rebellious years. It wasn’t so much the type of teenage rebellion you would expect from someone that age, it was more the type a person dealing with depression and extreme trauma just trying to feel something would have. It wasn’t the youthful, ultimately harmless, fun he’d dreamed of. 

Derek wanted Stiles to enjoy being young. To enjoy the freedom of not being tied down. He wanted him to have a proper choice— which was kind of ironic given the fact that he had broken up with Stiles instead of asking the younger man what he wanted, you know, giving him a _choice_. 

But, alas, he had made his bed. Now he had to lie in it.

oOoOoOoOo

When Stiles came back for winter break, Derek hardly even saw him. He caught a glimpse of him in the grocery store— Stiles was shopping with the Sheriff, presumably for the huge celebration dinner Derek had been invited to but had claimed he couldn’t make due to work— but it was just that, a glimpse.

Derek let himself look for a short minute before high-tailing it out of there, abandoning his cart of groceries in a random isle. He felt bad for whomever it was that would have to put them away but he was too busy to panicking to think clearly. 

Scrambling away, Derek missed the look on Stiles’ face when he caught sight of the wolf. Grief, sadness, and longing would have been obvious in Stiles’ whiskey brown eyes if Derek had made himself look longer. 

He would have seen that Stiles looked absolutely exhausted, not cheerful and relaxed in the way Derek had always imagined him being when he came home from his first semester at college. 

He also missed the look of utter disappointment on Stiles’ face later on when he realized that Derek wouldn’t be coming to the Christmas dinner they were having. 

Instead of gathering his courage and spending the holiday with the people he had come to consider his family, Derek spent that Christmas running through the forest, trying to outrun the urge to go back to Stiles and beg for his forgiveness. He desperately wanted to tell him he hadn’t meant anything he said and ask him if he would please, please be his boyfriend again. 

Derek ran and ran, until he was all wolf. The discovery that he could achieve a full shift just like his mother had been bittersweet. Stiles had always been the one convinced that Derek was capable of the full shift, even when Derek himself was doubtful. Stiles had been so excited for the day it would finally happen. 

When Derek woke up the next day, he was three towns over, naked, and covered in a thin sheet of snow. Had he not been a werewolf, he would have succumbed to exposure. As it was, he picked himself up, shifted back into his wolf form, and started running back home.

oOoOoOoOo

Months later, Stiles was due to come back to Beacon Hills for the summer, having completed his first year of university.

All Derek wanted to do was stay in bed. But he was supposed to go over to the Stilinski household for the pack’s collective welcome home party— the Sheriff having so graciously offered to host it— and he hadn’t been able to get out of it. He had certainly tried, but the Sheriff hadn’t bought his claim that he had to work. After all, he had purposefully scheduled the party for a Friday, knowing that Derek always had Fridays off. 

Knowing just how stubborn Stilinski men could be, Derek felt it was best to just give in, make a quick appearance at the party, and then flee as soon as he could. 

The thought of seeing Stiles, all flushed and happy at getting to see all the people he loved in one place, all excited about having the summer off, made Derek’s heart ache. 

He still loved Stiles with everything in him. It’s not like he could just stop loving his mate— a fact he had found out a few months after he’d broken up with Stiles. Deaton had informed him that he was going through mate withdrawals. 

The only thing that kept Derek from running to Stiles and ruining his whole plan of giving him space and freedom was Deaton assuring him that, as a human, it was extremely unlikely that Stiles would be feeling any of the symptoms of mate withdrawal. To a human, it would feel like a shitty breakup but to a werewolf, to Derek, it felt like he was missing a limb or like he had a gaping hole in his heart. 

Derek was pulled from his thoughts by the sound of someone banging loudly on the heavy door of his loft. He rolled out of bed with a sigh, figuring that whoever was at the door wasn’t going away anytime soon, given the insistent banging at his door. 

It didn’t actually occur to Derek to scent his visitor, something he normally would do to prepare himself for whoever it was, until he opened the door and was hit, full force, by Stiles’ scent. 

The scent he had missed so much filled every part of his body and Derek inhaled greedily, trying to make up for the almost year-long absence. 

"Stiles."

"Derek," Stiles replied, tilting his head. His eyes roved over Derek, cataloging everything that was the same and everything that was different— namely the large bags underneath his alpha’s eyes and the unkept beard marring the lower half of his face. 

Derek let out a breath, hearing Stiles’ voice after so long made the near constant ache in his chest throb painfully. 

"Uh, can I come in?" Stiles asked, somehow looking both hesitant and confident at the same time.

"Sure," Derek replied, not really knowing what else to say. His brain wasn’t working properly, too consumed with taking in the sight of his mate. He opened the door wider for Stiles, taking another, hopefully subtle, deep breath as Stiles brushed passed him. 

Stiles looked around the loft, making a small, unhappy noise in his throat as he took in the empty, cold atmosphere around him. The place looked more morbid than it had when they were together. When they were together it had started to look warmer, more lived and homey. Like a real home. 

"Do you want something to drink?" Derek asked, shifting from foot to foot. He wasn’t sure how to act around Stiles anymore. His wolf was thrashing around in his mind, begging to be closer to their mate, and Derek flinched as he tried to push it back. 

"Sure," Stiles said, turning his attention back to the wolf. He didn’t really want or need anything to drink but Derek looked like he desperately needed something to do with his hands. 

"So, uh, how was school?" Derek asked awkwardly as he poured two glasses of water, passing one over to Stiles before chugging half of his. He braced himself for the answer, for the tales of adventure and youthful indiscretions. 

"Honestly?" 

Derek quirked an eyebrow, focusing on Stiles and the defeated tone of his voice. 

"It sucked ass," Stiles stated, running his hand through his hair in frustration. 

Derek blinked in shock, not having expected that to be Stiles’ response in the slightest. Never once, in all of the scenarios he had cooked up in his head, had Stiles responded like that. "What? Why?"

"Why? You want to know why?" Stiles huffed, anger and bitterness tinging his scent unpleasantly. It made Derek want to bare his throat and beg for forgiveness for being the cause of it. 

"Well, my boyfriend decided to break up with me before I went off to school. You see, he thought I was too young to commit. Thought our relationship was casual; even though there is nothing fucking casual about me. He’s the love of my stupid fucking life and he threw me away like I was nothing but a fuck buddy. It’s definitely difficult to enjoy college when your heart has been shattered into a million pieces!" Stiles ranted, waving his hands around as he did so; getting more upset the longer he talked. He took a steadying breath, closing his eyes as he tried to regain his composure. "Do you know what the worst part is, though? I don’t even know if he loved me, or if this whole 'setting you free' bullshit was just a convenient excuse to get ride of me!" 

Silence hung in the air as Stiles finished, breathing heavily and trying to will away the tears that stung his eyes. A swirl of defeat, confusion, hurt, and sadness clung to his scent. 

Derek stared at the younger man, shocked and, quite honestly, lost. He truly hadn’t been expecting that and his mind raced as he thought of the proper way to respond. 

"Stiles, I—," Derek started, making an aborted gesture, like he was going to reach out to Stiles. "Nothing…nothing between us was ever casual." 

Stiles snorted in disbelief. "That’s not what you said when you broke up with me." 

Derek made a frustrated sound and raked his hand through his hair aggressively. "I didn’t mean it!" He sighed, his stomach clenching as the scent of hope spiked in Stiles’ scent. 

"Then why did you say it?" Stiles asked gently, the fight having gone out of him. His breakup with Derek had been one of the most difficult things he had had to deal with in a long time. Every day apart from his wolf, Stiles’ heart ached. The kind of ache that just never fully went away. 

Stiles had his suspicions about just why Derek had broken up with him but he needed to hear the older man say it, explain it in his own words. 

"Because I…because I wanted you to get to enjoy being young without some older man tying you down," Derek admitted. He hesitated before continuing, "Do you remember Kate Argent?" 

"Of course," Stiles replied, confused. How could he have forgotten the bitch who had not only tortured and terrorized his boyfriend ( _ex_ -boyfriend, he had to remind himself, yet again) but had been the reason the man had lost his family in such a horrific, devastating way. 

"She…well…we were sort of together," Derek gritted out, forcing himself to ignore how he so desperately wanted to stop talking and have this conversation be over. He knew that these were things that needed to be said but that didn’t make them any easier to say. "She was 26, I was 16. I was naive and too trusting. I didn’t realize that there was anything wrong with our relationship until I got older and realized that it should have never happened. I was just so caught up in the fact that this beautiful, older woman was interesting in me that I did things I wasn’t ready for or comfortable with. Then she killed my family and I lost whatever youth and innocence I had left. I guess I just wanted you to have what I never got to have: the chance to be young, free, and stupid," Derek finished, staring down at his feet and looking more vulnerable than Stiles had ever seen him in the entire length of time he had known him. 

It was silent for a minute as Stiles processed everything Derek had just said. Derek still wasn’t looking at him so, walking up to the older man, Stiles tilted his chin up, making him meet his eyes, truly, for the first time in a long time. 

"Thank you for sharing that with me," Stiles whispered, cupping Derek’s cheek and smiling when the wolf nuzzled his palm unconsciously. "I know that’s not something that is in any way easy to talk about, so thank you. I understand more now why you did it. I can’t say that I think breaking up with me instead of talking to me was the right way to go about it but I understand where you were coming from. I’m sorry that she did that to you, that she took so much from you, and if she wasn’t already dead I would find her and kill her myself, slowly and painfully," Stiles finished fiercely. He knew there was nothing he could do to ever make what that woman did right but wishing there was something, anything, he could do. 

"Thanks," Derek replied breathlessly, feeling lighter than he had in years. Not many people knew what had happened between him and Kate, or at least knew the full story. It had taken him a long time to come to terms with the fact that the "relationship" between him and Kate had been abusive, that she had taken advantage of him in order to get to his family. To be able to tell Stiles about it, or even just talk about it in general, out loud, was a huge deal. 

"The question is, where do we go from here?" Stiles asked, after a moment of comfortable silence. "I completely understand if you’re not in a place to be in a relationship. I don’t want you to feel like I’m pressuring you or anything. If breaking up was something you truly wanted, I will completely respect that," Stiles said firmly, trying to convey that the ball was in Derek’s court. He wouldn’t try to get him to do anything he didn’t want to do. "But, if you don’t actually want to be broken up and you’d like to give us a chance, then I’m all for that. Whatever you want, Derek. I mean it." 

Derek closed his eyes against the wave of affection that crashed through him at Stiles’ sincerity. He shouldn’t be so surprised, this was his mate, after all. 

"I want to be with you, Stiles. I’ve never not wanted to be with you. I just wanted you to have the chances I never got," Derek said, turning his head to press a soft kiss against the warm palm still gently cupping his cheek. "But I also know that I want something long-term. I don’t want casual." 

"You want a mate," Stiles said knowingly, smiling when Derek’s eyes shot up to his. "I know we’re mates, Derek. I asked Deaton about it over the winter break because this breakup hurt too much to just be a regular breakup. It felt like a piece of me was literally missing. It gave me the courage to come talk to you. I know you, I know how sacred mates are to you. You wouldn’t have given up on us without a good reason." 

"I…I only found out a little while ago, I should have known though. It made it so hard to stay away from you, it hurt so much, but Stiles…being mates means a lifelong commitment. You’re so young, how can I ask that of you? You haven’t had a chance to really go out and see what the world has to offer," Derek murmured, looking so earnest that Stiles sighed. It was going to be a bit more difficult to convince his sourwolf that he wanted that forever with him more than he thought. 

"Derek," Stiles started, looking deeply into the wolf’s eyes, trying to convey as much sincerity as he possibly could. "I understand where you’re coming from, but I’m not like other people my age. I don’t want to have all of those "normal" college experiences. I mean, yeah, I want to have fun, but I want to have fun while being with you. I don’t think you realize that you’re it for me. Maybe it’s because I seem to be able to feel the mate connection stronger than most humans but I think that even without that, you’re the one for me, Derek," Stiles explained, willing Derek to understand. "If you had asked me a few years ago then maybe I would have said something a little difficult but now, after all we’ve been through, all I want is stability and love. I want that with _you_." 

Derek didn’t know what to say, he had spent so long trying to connive himself that he was right and eventually Stiles would come to agree with him and be thankful that he hadn’t held him back from "normal" experiences. It was hard to believe the wonderful words coming out of his mate’s mouth and yet, deep down, Derek knew that Stiles wasn’t lying. He really did mean everything he had just said. 

Derek closed his eyes for a moment, needing to gather himself. Stiles stared at him with bated breath, if Derek believe him now Stiles didn’t know what he could possibly say to convince him. 

"Okay," Derek breathed out, tension lifting from his shoulders and his body, relaxing in a way he hadn’t in almost an entire year, since the moment he had uttered the words that had ended their relationship. 

"Okay?" Stiles asked, needing to be sure he wasn’t misreading anything. His heart started to beat faster, hope filling his veins. 

"Yeah, okay," Derek repeated, smiling shyly. "I believe you. If you’ll have me, I’d like nothing more than to be able to call you mine again." 

"Silly wolf, I was never not yours. You just didn’t know it," Stiles replied, not giving Derek a chance to respond before he was kissing him. 

Kissing Derek, being wrapped in his arms again…well, it felt like coming home.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading ;) 
> 
> Any comments, kudos, and bookmarks are greatly appreciated !! They literally make my day


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